is it all about time?

awesome thing: mr bean's straws are GREEN ☺

how true.
why have i changed. i need the old hardworking me back.

sometimes i really dont know how to cope.
there's this tremendous pressure on academics. so many expectations. i used to be happy when i get an A. now im just happy to pass a paper. i can't find the time to go through every single word in the notes. i cant really grasp the topic that a teacher is lecturing. i dont know how to balance all the subjects. and there's the need to read extensively.

then there's cca. syf's coming in only a week's time, but still, i dont practise so much cause again, there seems to be no time. which is pretty worrying, cause it's syf! it's gonna be depressing if we disappoint the teachers and instructor or worse, if i screw it up.
and of course there's entre. how much commitment can i give without giving up much time that can be used for revision?

and then there's various committments. it's getting a little sciency, and sometimes a little lame, am i wasting time? or maybe im actually exposing myself to many other things that i might never have the chance to. and does interest rule over all things; am i able to take up a project that's really interest me? but do i have enough self discipline to balance everything.

family. why am i feeling a heavier burden. and nobody seems to be understanding.
it's like a paradox sometimes. since im in jc arent i supposed to be busier than my sisters. yet sometimes why do i do more chores than them. why do i sacrifice more time to have everything at home in place.
my parents dont even know whats going on in my school. the comments to my dropping grades is: it's okay, go poly after 2 years in jc/ dont think you in jc means definitely can go uni.
my mum's taking leave from work when my sisters are having mid years. yet she has never asked me when my mid years are. or for that matter, know that my mid years are in term 3.
nor do my parents know how disappointed i was in not going for the us trip. a trip that i thought i was going since last year. a trip that i helped in the planning of the itinerary. a trip where i have many fabulous friends going. and i cant even whine about it.

this is getting way too depressing. how i wish there are more of happier things to balance out all these.